Current location:	the office
Current mood:	working on that linear thang
Current music:	baroque chamber music

some good some bad -- the usual
Today is not a great day for me, cognitively, so I am trying to do non-critical things.  I slept lots of yesterday evening, got up for a short bit, then slept a full night again.  Hard to concentrate, and the memory issues are particularly bad -- oddly this makes working in small writing bits like this, or in chat or SL easier than talking to people as speech.

Mostly it hasn't been this bad, though I still have good days and bad.  I am working on Tor still, half time, doing fundraising.  Last week I brought in $40K, so although my paperwork may be spotty at least I'm performing.

Meanwhile, Fish and I and a friend are trying to put together a business doing mixed-reality consulting in SL.  This would allow me to do work as I can with less dependence on the clock, and feed work to the other two and go be sales/negotiator/evangelist.  Since Tor cut me to halftime, I have to find other income sources, and this seems like something fun that I can actually do with the current faculties.

It's over 4 months now, and I still can't open up a spreadsheet and have the relations of the numbers leap out.  I not only can't really do math in my head anymore, but more disturbingly, that sort of proofreading feeling you get when you're doing it wrong is gone for numbers.  Some of y'all probably don't have this, but it used to be that if I was doing math wrong in my head, at least I went, "no no that's wrong, let me work it out on paper."  Now I can *confidently* go with a bad result and not realize it -- which means I can never trust anything I calculate in my head.

The curious thing is, I always knew I had that capacity for spelling, for example (hmm...that looks wrong, let's look it up).  But I'd actually never mapped one skill (proofing words) with the other (vetting calculations) until one stopped working.

Yesterday and today it took me *hours* to do a report that should have been a half hour job.

Yet I can brainstorm and think, write, visualize and imagine.  If it has to do with speculating and creating it's there.  If it has to do with setting things out linearly, I'm operating like a normal human on my good days, and days like this it's gone to crap.

Yet, as frustrating as it is, and with Tor talking about supplementing or replacing more of my functions, and not knowing what will happen next, it's still a point of gratitude that things didn't stop in April, when I couldn't read, or in May when I couldn't look at a menu and pick out the different sections without reading the whole thing line by line (or pick out an email subject from a bunch of lines of text). 

I do think it's getting better, but not Better, if you know what I mean.  Sometimes in the urgency of wishing that everything just worked again and wondering if it will, I can lose track that I am doing so much better than I was, that life is still good and interesting, and I am well loved.

It's those pesky things like, "How do I pay rent next month?" and "Will I ever be able to do ___________ again well?" and "If I have days like this, with no spoons, that I can't predict...how do I plan?"

On the other hand, SL stuff is being really fun, when I can take time to work on that.  I got quoted in Information Week a week or so ago as a "journalist and Second Life resident" for a comment I left on terranova.blogs.com.  My SL business blog, http://slbizreview.com/ is getting good feedback and attention.  And when I'm in a state where I can't deal with the noise and confusion of real life, SL gives me a limited bandwidth way to be social. 

Indigenis (the mixed-reality company I'm spokes-avataring) has someone interested in investing $50K in us, just on the basis of my writing.  I think we're worth investing in, mind you, but I have to say that it's kind of fun to be doing something where just my blogging and resume, and the resumes of the folks I'm with, attract that kind of attention from thousands of miles away.

We have a launch party at SLCC (the 24th-26th in Chicago), and the web site's not up yet.  I meet with the designer tomorrow.  *whee*

I'm even earning money doing avatar makeovers, which is a blast.  It's not a lot, but $20/hr (US not lindens) to go shopping on someone else's tab is kinda fun.